Finding a romantic connection comes naturally to some. And to others, it can feel as though you only seem to attract people that just aren’t right.
All too often smart, capable women find themselves in a relationship that’s not fulfilling. The worst of it is that sometimes Mr. Wrong isn’t just wrong – he’s toxic. Being in a toxic relationship can take years to identify, wasting your time and leaving you drained. That’s why it’s important to recognize the warning signs of a toxic relationship early on.
If you suspect you’re in a toxic relationship, there are a few warning signs you can look out for. Here are 9 warning signs that your seemingly perfect partner is really far from being The One.
- Your Partner Won’t Let You Spend Time With Your Friends
One of the earliest warning signs that you’re in a toxic relationship is that they try to control who you spend time with. In these situations, spending time with friends and family seems like a thing of the distant past.
The worst part is that if they do allow you to spend time with other people in your circle, they have to tag along. It can feel suffocating and can lead you to sacrifice other important relationships for your relationship with your partner.
While it’s natural to want to spend lots of time with your partner, spending too much time together stops you from having the healthy space needed to grow.
If you work with a love coach, he or she will encourage you to spend some time outside of the relationship as well as inside of it. That way you avoid stifling the flame and instead continue to flourish during your time together.
- Your Partner Controls Your Finances
One form of control that we don’t often think about is financial control. This is a special type of toxicity where your partner controls your wallet and manages your finances.
For example, your partner may suggest sharing bank accounts or to start managing your budget. While this might seem like a good idea, it can cause issues if you part ways.
This type of toxicity is known as something called economic dominance. The guidance of a relationship guru can help you avoid this type of controlling behavior in your partnership.
- Your Partner Looks Through Your Phone or Computer
Modern relationships have a new element that can create trouble: cellphones. Cellphones contain a lot of personal data and controlling partners may feel the need to have access to that data.
However, there’s nothing acceptable about your partner snooping through your phone, emails, or other personal data. It’s an invasion of privacy and leads to a breakdown in trust.
One of the more concerning things about a partner that goes through your phone is that it’s often one of the first warning signs of domestic abuse. What starts as going through phones can quickly lead to more serious behaviors.
A good love coach will explain that a healthy relationship needs to be built on trust. When you don’t have trust in the relationship, it becomes impossible to move forward and continue to grow with each other.
- Your Partner Tells You How to Dress
You are unique and you deserve to be able to express yourself however you see fit. One big way that people choose to express themselves is through their clothing and the way they dress.
A controlling partner, however, may tell you that you have to dress a certain way. They’ll try to twist it to make it seem as if they’re “helping” you when in reality this is controlling and toxic behavior.
For example, they may tell you to wear less makeup because men like a natural look better. Not only is this a false statement, but it also shouldn’t matter. You’re not dressing for men, you’re dressing for you and should wear what makes you feel good.
You deserve to be in a relationship that empowers you and encourages you to express yourself however you see fit. Your partner should value your choices as to how to dress or do your makeup, not try to change them.
- Your Partner Expects You to Answer Calls and Texts Immediately
You’re not required to be glued to your phone. And in fact, if you’re out and about with friends or family you deserve to be able to catch a break and enjoy quality time with them.
In toxic relationships, partners often expect you to respond to their messages immediately. And, if you don’t, they can get angry.
When a partner gets angry at you for not answering calls and texts, it can distract you from the time you’re spending with other people. It can also leave you on edge every time you leave the house or spend time apart from them.
Your partner should leave you feeling comforted and cared for, not constantly on edge that they’ll get angry at you. Working with a love coach can help you to learn to stop welcoming these negative feelings into your life.
- Your Partner is Jealous of Your Friends
Usually, when we talk about jealousy, we’re talking about partners who are jealous of potential romantic threats. However, sometimes jealousy can look a bit different.
In a toxic relationship, your partner may actually become jealous of your friends or family. They may feel that you’re spending too much time with other people and not with them.
Or, they may begin to falsely suspect that you have a romantic relationship with some of your friends. Regardless of what the reasoning behind their jealousy is, it’s just not healthy behavior.
Your partner should encourage you to spend time with those you love and cultivate other positive relationships. If you notice jealousy beginning to creep into your relationship, beware! This could be a warning sign of a toxic partner.
- Your Partner Makes You Afraid to Speak Your Mind
Your relationship should be a place where you feel free to speak your mind and be yourself. You and your partner should have strong, open communication where you can freely express your thoughts and feelings.
In a toxic relationship, this is far from the case. Toxic partners may make fun of you or get angry when you try to tell them your true thoughts. They may not like what you have to say and can make you pay for it.
Whether you’re afraid to say what’s on your mind because you’re afraid it could cause anger or simply because it’s different from what your partner thinks, there’s a problem.
Your relationship should offer you a safe space to speak openly. You should always feel free to have opposing viewpoints or to be able to confide in your partner with controversial information or opinions.
Love coaches sometimes encourage being with someone who has a differing viewpoint than yourself. This helps keep the romance alive and fosters development and growth both as individuals and as a couple.
- Your Partner Insults You
Love goes hand in hand with respect. And, when you respect someone, you treat them with kindness. You don’t use insults and bad language with them.
If you have a partner who constantly insults you and puts you down, this is a red flag. Once that line has been crossed, many partners will continue to use insults as a means of communication.
In fact, a partner who insults you is heading into abusive territory. Verbal abuse is a common indication of a potentially dangerous relationship and should be taken seriously.
Any partner who is using bad language or insults you, should immediately be shut down. Putting a stop to this type of unacceptable behavior right off the bat protects you and helps you steer clear of toxic relationships.
- Your Partner Isn’t Popular with Your Friends and Family
Many times, when you’re in a relationship it can be hard to look outside the situation that you’re in. This is especially true if you are in a toxic or abusive relationship.
Friends and family are a great resource for you when you are dating someone. They can give you an honest opinion about your partner and can give you a valuable perspective on what they see.
When friends and family members tell you that they don’t like your partner or they try to warn you about your partner, it’s definitely worth paying attention.
Most of the time they are basing their opinion on observations that they’re able to make because they’re removed from the situation. Listening to friends and family can help you steer clear of toxic relationships in the early stages.
Pay Attention to Warning Signs of a Toxic Relationship
If any of these warning signs ring true for you, there’s a good chance that you’re in a toxic relationship. That means those warning signs shouldn’t be ignored.You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. And you deserve to be with a partner who appreciates and values you for who you uniquely are.
So, are you ready to put toxic relationships in the past and start finding partners that uplift you? Get in touch with Lucy Shahjahan and create a love that lasts.